I am not a big fan of having New Year's resolutions or thinking that a new year is a new start. I kind of just see it as a continuation of my life. But with all the Facebook posts on it being a new year and reflecting on the year that was just left behind, I couldn't help but reflect.
My first thought was only that I was a mother all of 2010... and that was the only change. But I was so wrong, 2010 was a huge year in my life. I changed a lot as a person. I grew tremendously in my strength, in my relationships, as a mother, and I changed my life to a healthier lifestyle. Wow... a lot did change!
I have always considered myself a Christian, but the degree to which I trusted the Lord had always varied considerably. 2010 is the year that I felt like I gave it all to Him. I have let go of my anxiety about planning for the future. I can honestly say that I do not know if our family will be here or in a different state or country a year from now... and I have complete peace regarding that. I do not know God's plan for us and I fully accept that He has a more beautiful plan for us than I could ever try to put together on my own.
My relationship my Jesse, my family, and my friends have grown into deeper ones. I have become less critical and also deeper in those relationships. I am so thankful for that, I am the worst sinner I know, and my judgements were holding me back from knowing stronger relationships with the ones that I love.
Motherhood... I guess some would argue that becoming a mother changes a person. I would argue that it has simply held me accountable in acting more like the person I know I am in my heart and less like the person I let the "outside" see. When you have the responsibility of guiding the way for an infant to become a man... it changes the way to act. I am extremely blessed to be Hunter's mother and I want to do the best job I can in being a good role model for him to grow up to be a man of God.
It's been almost one year since I have changed my lifestyle to reflect a healthy one. I have not been very good about getting to the gym, but I have stayed active and have changed my eating habits. In doing so, I was able to shed about 30lbs in 2010. 10 of those were to get back to pre-pregnancy weight, but I am now 20lbs lighter than I was the day I found out I was pregnant with Hunter. I am so relieved by this and hope to be able to shed 10-15 more in the coming year.
What do I hope to come with 2011? I really do not have many specific goals except to keep living in a way that betters me and the people around me. I want to be a good person, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, etc. For me that involves more growth in the area of letting go of negative thoughts which turn into critical words. I pray to God that my words start being blessings to others and that I bite my tongue when what is about to come out of my mouth simply is not nice. We also have hopes of being debt free (besides our mortgage) in 2011, so that we can give more freely to our church, to those in need, and whatever else we are called to give to.
I know these are big goals and they are not going to happen overnight, but I hope that I continue to have the desire to change those things and the ability to forgive myself when I slip and fail miserably. Hopefully, next year when reflecting on 2011 I will be able to look back and see that it was another tremendous year of growth and contentment.