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Monday, May 30, 2011

I'm in a Funk

Remember when I wrote a few weeks ago how great I was doing with this deployment? Well, not so much anymore. I just haven't felt myself the last couple weeks.I've had some anxiety, haven't felt like leaving the house, and just feeling lonely overall.

When preparing for this deployment I expected the biggest challenge would come from being overwhelmed with working full time and taking care of Hunter, the dog, and the house on my own. I was wrong. I don't feel stressed or worn out, mostly just missing my hubby. I also thought that I would rely on my family and friends more for support and companionship. For some reason it's been quite the opposite. I have not hardly made an effort to see anyone. I am most content at home with Hunter.

This is just so unlike me. I very rarely have a day when we don't get out of the house, meet up with friends, and do fun activities. I literally have to force myself to do these things now. I'm not having negative thoughts and not feeling angry, just alone and unmotivated. But... I think I'm on the comeback. :) I've actually gone to Crossfit two nights in a row after work. And I'm looking forward to spending Friday at the zoo with my sister and her kiddos and having Jesse's mom in town from Washington D.C. For the weekend!

Family Pictures

A couple months ago, we had family pictures taken by a friend of mine from high school, Chandra Nichols from DecemberRose Photography. We had a great time and are so happy with how the pictures turned out! We had them done in downtown Buckley, the same place where Hunter's 1 year photos were taken.

Sunday, May 29, 2011


I love the fact that we have a playground right next door to our house. On nice days, Hunter and I head next door to go on the swing or go down the slide. He gets the biggest smile on his face with the first push on the swing.

Being the annoying mom I am, then multiplying that by 10 because I'm also a mom blogger, I almost always have to take pictures. This poor little guy is going to be traumatized by cameras by the time he's three. Yesterday was no exception.

Friday, May 27, 2011

He's Doing It Again

Remember last week when I talked about Hunter carrying his John Deer toy up the stairs for bath time here?

Well this morning, it was the same story, but new toy. This time it was his ride on Elmo airplane that he was determined to bring upstairs with him from bath time. This time I was better prepared to take pictures.

And then he proceeded to throw off his towel after bath time, and run to his airplane and ride on it naked.

I love this little boy. :)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Good Night!

I wrote about Hunter last week and how easily he is going down for naps and bedtime. He's never gone to bed so easily in his entire life, I know, I know, his entire 19 month life. :) He's even been going to bed earlier than usual the last week, he's been ready at about 7pm. I love spending more time with him in the evenings, but it's been nice to have a little bit more quiet time at night.

I put him in bed, but the blanket on him, hand him a book, and he waves bye to me as I leave the room. He even let me get a picture of him ready for bed tonight.

At this rate, I think he might be ready to switch to a toddler bed when Jesse gets home, only 92 more days.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Long Journey.

It has been nearly a year and a half since I started my weight loss journey while 2 months postpartum. It's been slow and steady the entire time. I weighed in at 158.4 pounds yesterday, a new low. I am 1.4 pounds away from being 30 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. I feel good.

In high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. While it's been 9 years since then,but it takes much longer to bury the entire mindset. I've talked to others who have gone through the same struggles and they have agreed that once you've gone through that, your mentality regarding food and weight is jaded.

For the first time, I feel healed. I have a healthy relationship with both food and my body image. Of course I still see my imperfections, and while I don't love them, I tolerate them, and continue to work out and eat well to change them.

I'm having a hard time finding a goal weight. Some days I feel like I am at it, sometimes I tell myself I will stop at 155, but sometimes the challenge of seeing 150 on the scale excites me. The change in me though, is that I am not consumed by it. I know will get or stay at my goal weight when I'm ready. Just by eating healthy foods or maybe. Some unhealthy foods in moderation and exercise, I continue to lose about a pound per month. That tells me that my body has more wight to lose. When it stops, it will stop, and I will be content. :)

So, a question for you all... At what point do I get rid of my clothes that are too big? I have an entire closet of size 10 and 12 clothes that hang on me. I get nervous about getting rid of them. What if I gain the weight back? Should I just store them away or do I take the leap and say goodbye to being that size forever?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

He's Busy.

I feel like this is usually what comes out of my mouth when people ask about Hunter. He is busy and that is the truth. The kid never stops moving. He runs from one room to another and from getting into a kitchen drawer to crawling behind the TV to trying to climb over the baby gate and onto the stairs to climbing up the bar stool to the kitchen island to get himself a snack. It never ends... until he goes to bed.

At a baby shower on Thursday night, he ran around the private banquet room, trying to keep up with his 4 year old pal, Andrew.

Yesterday morning, I told him it was time to go upstairs and take a bath. He's gotten really good with the stairs, so I headed up first to start the water, while he made his way up the stairs. I started the water and then headed back to see what all the thuds up the stairs were about. I look down to see Hunter trying to drag his ride on John Deer ATV toy up the stairs with him. He had made up half way up the first flight. When he heard my giggle, he just looked up, smiled and said "Help?". So I grabbed the toy and put it at the top of the stairs, so it was waiting for him when he made it all the way up. I then went to turn off the water, turn around, only to find Hunter trying to drag the toy into the bathroom with him. He was not happy when I didn't let the huge toy into the bath tub with him. What a weirdo. :)

And this evening, I found Hunter in his room, both in a box and trying to eat some paper. He kept telling me "Night, Night" and then would start laughing uncontrollably. He thought it was his new bed or something.

This little boy is developing a bigger and bigger personality and it simply cracks me up. I hate to admit it, but I think he got his weird sense of humor from his momma.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Double Digits

That in reference to the number of days until Jesse comes home. 98. The first 22 have gone by really fast, actually, but I know better than to think it'll stay this way. The first month has always been the easiest for me. It's at about the 6 week mark that I've started to get terribly lonesome in the past. Maybe it'll take longer this time, I'm hoping.

I do miss Jesse pretty terribly, though. I miss having someone to come home to after a bad day at work. I miss having someone to confide in when I'm not feeling very positive. I miss the hugs. It's tough.

I am incredibly lucky that Jesse calls me as much as he can. I hear from him almost every day. Today, I got the pleasure of talking to him three times, including one skype conversation. He is present as much and as often as he can be. I have always loved that about him. When a day passes and I don't hear from him, I don't worry, because I know without a doubt that his flying schedule has made him u able to call during a reasonable time of day.

Hunter misses his daddy. The last few nights, he has run into our bedroom before bedtime and grabbed a wedding photo of Jesse and I from my night stand. He holds it tight while shouting "Daddy! Daddy!". His eyes get real big every time I play the recording of Jesse in his build-a-bear.

I hope the next 98 days go by as fast as these first 22 have. Hunter and I both miss our brave airman. :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Incredibly Blessed.

Hunter has always been a great little boy. Sure, he can be a bit mischievous at times and is a bit stubborn at times, too. But overall, Jesse and I have been so blessed to have such a wonderful little guy.

But, I'm telling you, ever since Jesse left, I think God has done something very very kind for me. He has turned this little boy into the easiest toddler ever! It's as if God is giving me this gift to help me get through the rough time of Jesse being gone.

Hunter has been sleeping around 16 hours a day, 12-13 hours straight at night and then usually a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. And to top that, he's been going down for bedtime and naps without any complaints! I tell him that it's "nigh-night time" and he goes happily up the stairs and walks right into his room. When I put him in his crib, he grabs for his blanket, gets all cozy with his pillow and grabs either his Build-a-bear puppy or his pal Scout. Then as a walk towards the door, he just looks up and waves bye. Not another sound heard.

He's even starting to pick up on the manners that I have been trying to instill in him. After handing him a cracker the other day, without any prompting, he said "Tank you!". Of course my heart melted and exploded all at once in that moment.

He has just turned into such a wonderful companion for me since Jesse has left. He's matured and become a "big boy". I find myself reflecting on this often on my commute to and from work and I start getting teary. I just wish Jesse was here with us to see how awesome his son is. But, I'm sure Jesse would be happy to hear that I am in great company while he is gone and that I am not feeling overwhelmed in the least, just incredibly blessed.

* I am suddenly regretting writing this post for fear that the terrible twos might begin moments after pressing the "Publish Post" button. Please be on the look out for quite a different post in the morning. ;)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Starbucks Date

On Saturday, Hunter and I went out for a little Starbuck's Date to take full advantage of their Frapacino Happy Hour.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Book Giveaway Winner

Random Number Generator made the very tough decision on who would be receiving a free copy of Spilt Milk.... Comment number 4 was chosen. Nicole from Table for Four is the lucky winner. Please e-mail me with your address so I can get your book to you!

He's Ready for Discipline

Last night I realized that Hunter and I are ready for a new dynamic in our parent/child relationship. Hunter was playing with his toys in the living room while I was matching clean socks on the couch. He came running at me and before I got the chance to glance up, he had hit me in the face with his toy screw driver. It wasn't a tap... He hit me full force. This was new, he had never done anything so aggressive towards another person.

I took a hold of his arm and told him sternly, "We do not hit. Be gentle." and then I gave him a spanking on his bottom. ( I did not hit him hard, but just hard enough for him to know that it was not a positive thing.) His lower lip immediately pouted. We were right next to his little chair, so I told him to go sit in his chair.

What happened next was both heart breaking and inspiring. He went right over to his chair and sat down. Tears started streaming down his face, but there was no crying or yelling that usually accompany them. He just sat there calmly, but sadly. Of course, as a mother, I Hated to see my son sad. But, on the other hand, isn't that the very reaction that we hope our children have when being disciplined? He obeyed my instruction, he didn't throw a tantrum, and he seemed to understand that his actions were not acceptable.

After a minute, I extended my arms to him and he quickly got up to be embraced. I held him tight and told him I loved him and want him to be gentle with other people. And then I just held him, prayed over him, and thanked God for such an amazing little man that I had been given.

That experience was my first with disciplining him with more than a stern "no" or "don't touch" or a very brief and unsuccessful timeout. It gave me the wisdom to know that he is ready for a more mature approach and that he is capable of understanding. It gave me hope that I won't have to constantly discipline, but when I do, I have the tools to be able to do it effectively.

*My way of disciplining are not directly from "Parenting By the Book" by John Rosemond, but has been a huge source of reference and guidance to me.

**I'm very aware that many people have opposing views regarding discipline, but please keep in mind that we all have different ways to raise our children and I can assure you that I am not hurting my child.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Best Buds

Hunter and his grandpa are the best of buds. My dad watches Hunter 4 days a week, while I am at work. To see the way Hunter loves his grandpa, just makes me soooo happy. Every morning this week, as we get closer to my parent's house, Hunter starts chanting: "Grand-pa, Grand-pa".

On Monday, my dad taught Hunter how to mow the yard. :)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Heart Ached

Hunter spent the night with my parents last night because I had something going on a church in Tacoma. I knew I was going to go for a run down on the waterfront afterwards, so since I was enjoying some lovely alone time, I took the long way to the water.

I drove down 6th avenue and something happened that I wasn't expecting... my heart started aching, I truly missed living in that area.

Right after college, a friend and I got an apartment right in the heart of the 6th avenue district. It was right behind a doggy day care and a tattoo shop. Right across the street was Chopstix (piano bar) and Shakabra (the coolest hippie coffee cafe). Within a block is a martini bar, a great Indian restaurant, Starbucks, a jazz club, and of course of liquor store.

I had such a wonderful time being able to walk out my front door and being able to walk to 10 fabulous restaurants or coffee shops. Or just take a walk and look at all the beautiful old houses.

Last night, it felt like my heart was mourning the loss of living IN town and now in a development that is a 5 minute drive from a McDonald's. I would love to live in an old craftsman house in the heart of a town again.

But sadly, Jesse does not agree. He wants to live in the boonies one day and have his very own pond with ducks and geese. Boo! Maybe one day....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Book Giveaway!

Ever get so caught up in life as a mom that you struggle to find time to get your fill of God's Word in your life?

A few months ago some of e-friends and I started a devotional via e-mail. We choose the book "Spilt Milk: Devotions for Moms" by Linda Vujnov.

It has been a great tool to fuel our devotions! As a group, we have really opened up to each other, read the Word, and most importantly, taken time out of our hectic lives to focus on Him.

One of the ladies actually got in touch with the author, Linda Vujnov, and Linda so graciously would love to give away a copy of her book to one of each of our readers!

There are two ways to enter:

1) Follow Doyle's Days and leave a comment letting me know that you do

2) Leave a comment and share with the rest of us how you find time to spend time in the Word.

I will randomly pick a winner on Friday, May 13th by 10pm PST.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Wedding

Brandon and Jennifer's wedding ceremony was such a sign of their faith in God. It was by far the most beautiful ceremony I have ever had the pleasure to witness. The honesty and purity of their hearts was so apparent through the way they looked at each other, the way that Brandon sobbed as Jennifer walked down the aisle, and the words they spoke in their vows to each other. The ceremony was for their marriage to each other, but it also was a worship service. During the worship music, Brandon held his hands up to the Lord and their wedding party had love for their Savior that was painted all over their faces. It was a beautiful and moving ceremony.

And then... the reception began. I've never seen so many people cut loose and dance their hearts out, including Hunter. :) It was such a fun environment.

I am so thrilled that Brandon found such a wonderful woman, like Jennifer, to spend the rest of his life with. They are so wise for their age and have a love for Jesus that is infectious.

I love you guys so much!!! :)

The Rehearsal Dinner

My little brother, Brandon, got married to a wonderful and beautiful bride last Saturday. Jesse and I couldn't be more proud or happy for Brandon and Jennifer.

Last Thursday night was the rehearsal and dinner with family and close friends. Here are some pictures :)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

OBL's Death - Jesse's Thoughts

I e-mailed Jesse on Monday morning and asked him if he would like to write something about Osama Bin Laden's death for the blog. When I talked to him later that morning he seemed a little hesitant and said he doesn't write much. But sure enough, yesterday I received an e-mail from him that included a few paragraphs about his feelings about OBL's death.

I'm not going to lie, after reading the first paragraph, I thought "There is no way I'm going to put this up on my blog, this is not how I feel!!!" And then I read the rest of it and really thought about it. Jesse comes from a whole different perspective than I do. He has been to Iraq, Afghanistan, Turkey, Qatar, etc. He has been helping to fight this war on terrorism himself. Of course he has a different opinion that I do. And then I was overcome with pride from my husband. I might not agree with his opinion, but that certainly doesn't mean that I can't respect it.

So here is a word from Jesse:

Thank you SEAL Team 6, one of the biggest reasons I enlisted in the Air Force is now missing half his head and all of his soul. I can’t describe how thankful we all are to you guys. I would give almost anything to have been there to pull the trigger myself!

When it was known that OBL was the sinister mastermind behind 9/11, I don’t think I’ve ever been so enraged and emotional about any one person in my life. It was a feeling that resonated in the deepest parts of my heart. I was in college in Minneapolis, MN on 9/11 and I remember that day like it was yesterday. I knew that I had to do something or contribute to keep America free from people like this. I had some major issues going on in school and my personal life at the time, but when I could, I enlisted in the U.S. Air Force. I’m not going to say that was my only reason for joining, but I really would do anything for God and His country. I’ve been a Loadmaster on the C-17A Globemaster that carries cargo and passengers all over the world for almost 8 years now. I’ll never know, but I hope with all my heart that we carried those SEAL’s and the ammo that took him out.

Throughout the last decade, I have thought about this “man” as the lowest scum on earth. There is nothing on earth as pure evil as he was. In his last few acts of life, he decides to use a woman as a human shield to protect him, how messed up is that?? He wants nothing more that to kill anyone that is an "infidel" or believes in something different that him. I am proud to be labeled an infidel and an American!!

Honestly though, I haven’t given much thought to OBL the last couple of years until now. In a way, he has been dead since that attack on our great country. If nothing else, I hope this brings closure; closure to all the loved ones and family of the victims that paid the unlimited sacrifice. God Bless you all

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Day Has Come

Today is the day that I get back to focusing on my diet and fitness. Jesse has been gone for several days now and my brother's wedding was on Saturday (more about that later). It's time for me to spend some time on me now. The last week has been a very rough one for me with Jesse leaving, my little brother getting married, and conflict within my family. Right now is the perfect time for me to get absorbed in the Word, working out, and maybe some mindless television watching. :)

I was very surprised this morning to see that I weighed in at 159.2 this morning. This is my lowest weight in several years. I know I have lost some muscle mass over the last few weeks, but am still surprised by this. Bodies do strange things at times.

So here I am at 5am on Monday morning, planning out my goals for the week.

Monday,Wednesday,Friday - Crossfit
Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - C25K

I still have not decided what I am going to do about diet. Do I go back to strict Paleo? Or do I just continue to eat what I want but in moderation?

Jesse is active duty Air Force and is originally from southern Minnesota. He has also managed to become a follower of just about every hobby known to man (which drives his wife crazy!).

Henry was born on July 4, 2007. His hobbies include playing with his squeaker toys, barking a little girls, dock jumping, going to the dog park, and being spoiled rotten by his grandparents.

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